An Original Story by Tetiana Pysarenko: The Journey of Self-Discovery

The quiet voice inside her kept growing louder, telling her that the man sitting in front of her was not the one she could trust.

"This is not him. Not the one you are waiting for… You need to wait for him," the inner voice continued. It was an inner dialogue between Alena and herself.

The Perfect Illusion

Why now… she thought, looking at the blue-eyed man of strong build, dressed exactly in her style. He looked into her eyes intently, and his soft, velvety voice was already building plans for their life together over the next ten years.

"We will have beautiful children… Do you love children?" her companion asked. Without waiting for an answer, he continued, "Of course. How could you not love children? They will take your beauty and charm, and from me, they will get intelligence and a sense for business…"

A perfect man… Alena thought, though not as confidently as in the first minutes of their meeting. If he is so good, then what is wrong with him?

If everything were truly as it seemed, that inner voice would not be breaking through the armor of her intense desire to build a relationship with him and quickly bring to life all those beautiful pictures he was painting before her.

Arthur really was good-looking. For his age, he was quite strong and carried his fifty years with confidence. He exercised, skied, climbed mountains, cooked well, loved children — and seemed ready to lay the whole world at her feet.

So what was wrong with him? Too perfect?..

Alena’s thoughts were increasingly occupied by this question. She listened to him, and if she had been a simple woman, she would have already been his without hesitation. But with Alena, nothing had ever been simple.

The Weight of Past Relationships

She had been working with a psychologist. They had been going over the topic of relationships for months, revisiting the mistakes of her past relationships in great detail. Scientific understanding had been joined by spiritual insight. It felt as if her intuition had been waiting all forty-five years to finally break free from its confinement, pushing past all the “I want it now,” “what if this is my last chance,” and everything that came with it.

This “what if it’s the last chance” had already come at least five times over the past three years. It was time to stop.

"So what is wrong with him…?"

Still searching for an answer, Alena began glancing at her watch with growing impatience. It was already 9 p.m. November. It was getting dark early, and with the time change, the day felt even shorter. She had gotten used to going to bed no later than 10:30 every evening. It was one of the steps in her new habit — “learning to love herself” — something her psychologist had encouraged her to bring into her life.waiting all forty-five years to finally break free from its confinement, pushing past all the “I want it now,” “what if this is my last chance,” and everything that came with it.

This “what if it’s the last chance” had already come at least five times over the past three years. It was time to stop.

"So what is wrong with him…?"

Still searching for an answer, Alena began glancing at her watch with growing impatience. It was already 9 p.m. November. It was getting dark early, and with the time change, the day felt even shorter. She had gotten used to going to bed no later than 10:30 every evening. It was one of the steps in her new habit — “learning to love herself” — something her psychologist had encouraged her to bring into her life.

Alena did not know how to love herself. She had lived her whole life for someone else. For others. That was what she had been taught. Self-love was considered selfishness. It had even felt shameful to think that she should love herself. And that was what had destroyed her previous marriage.

"If you don’t love yourself, you don’t love others — and you are not loved in return."

"Love your neighbor as yourself," — these words of Jesus became the starting point and a guiding light in her desire to change and have a happy family. It was with this request that she came to her psychologist for a consultation.

The Moment of Truth

"My dear, are you in a hurry?" Arthur’s question brought her back to the present moment. She had drifted off into her thoughts, into “another direction,” and once again caught herself thinking how reality can change in an instant — just by changing your thoughts.

"Yes, I have to go. My children are waiting."

An awkward silence followed. Alena fixed her gaze on his face, which revealed the inner struggle of emotions. It was clear he had not expected this. His own fault. He had been talking the whole evening and never found the time to ask about her 😊. Or maybe he simply didn’t really want to?

Suddenly, she realized that he hadn’t really been interested in her. In two hours together, even the topic of her children had only been mentioned in passing.

 - Children? How wonderful... - his words and feelings were clearly divided, - and how many children do you have? Who? What are their names.

"A boy and a girl. Ten and twelve. I’m raising them on my own. Katya and Dima," Alena said, holding back her emotions when it came to her children. They were teenagers. Their relationship was not easy, especially after the divorce from their father.

"I see…" Another awkward pause followed. It was clear that this “perfect” man was gathering his thoughts, trying to understand what to do next. Had his dream of children suddenly become so real and so close? 😊

"Yes, of course. You should go, I understand… Shall I walk you?"

"No, thank you. I live very close. Two minutes and I’ll be home. Thank you for a pleasant evening."

"No, thank you! Say hello to the kids 😊!"

Arthur stood up, helped her put on her coat, and gently leaned in to kiss her on the cheek.

Alena flinched and stepped aside.

"What’s wrong? I don’t bite," Arthur said, smiling his charming smile.

Oh God! I feel like such a clumsy fool! Maybe he really is a good man. Maybe this is him, and here I am with my principles and all these new realizations. Intimacy after marriage… He didn’t even suggest anything…

And that was how they parted. Alena was running home so fast that even a train wouldn’t have been able to catch up with her. If it hadn’t been for her inner voice, their evening would not have ended there. But over the past year, she had learned to trust herself. Her intuition — her inner voice, the voice of God — had saved her from trouble more than once. But for it to stop her so clearly, so firmly, like it did today — that was the first time.

"So what is wrong with him?..”

The Call That Changed Everything

The answer to that question did not take long to come. Arthur called the next day and suggested they take a walk in the park.

"Maybe you could bring your children with you?" he suggested.

"Let’s not today. This is only our second meeting. It’s too early," Alena replied. She truly believed that she would introduce her children only to the man with whom she would be ready to connect her life. And Arthur had not even become a candidate yet.

They spent quite a good time together. They talked about this and that. He told her about his difficult childhood, how he grew up without a father. His parents had divorced when he was two, and since then he had known nothing about him. His mother worked abroad, and he was raised by his grandmother. He had not known love or affection.

And then, at that very moment, he stopped. He turned to her and suddenly kissed her.

"You need me, you are my breath of fresh air. You are the one I have always dreamed of. You are the ideal of my woman. Your hair… your eyes… your hands… I breathe you in. My thoughts these past days have been only about you. I want to give you the whole world. Be mine!" he said, and insistently began to press her closer to him.

Ah, how much she wanted to dissolve in his embrace and forget about everything in the world. How amazing it was to feel desired and to hear such words from a man.

"This is not your man. You need to wait for yours," the inner voice was tearing her consciousness from within.

She pulled away from him sharply.

Oh God! How much inner strength it took for her to stop. But the therapy had not been in vain. There was a time for everything — and with her own man. He was not her man yet. He only wanted to become one. And it seemed he was not really ready to make an effort for it.

"I will only be intimate with my husband," she blurted out.

"What?" Arthur was taken aback. "What do you mean? With a husband? But why? Yes, I would like to get married someday, but we need to get to know each other better. And what if we don’t suit each other?"

"That is exactly why I will not be intimate with anyone except my husband," Alena repeated. "A man who will be my husband will find a way to be right for me 😊. And someone who doubts that — I don’t need. And in general, what if we don’t match in how to raise children? Where to relax? How to manage a family budget? How to spend our free time, and so on? Or is the only thing that concerns you whether we might not match in intimacy?"

"Hmm… I’ve never met a woman at this age with such beliefs. And what about health? Do you really think a healthy man can wait that long?"

"I think yes. And how long is ‘that long’?"

"Well… however long it may be. In today’s world, it’s normal not to wait long. And why would anyone?"

YES! This is it! This is what is wrong with him!!!

He doesn’t want real relationships, a family, her — as a whole person, as a woman. He wants pleasure here and now. Just like many of her previous admirers, he is not ready to invest time and effort into building a relationship. And what would happen after the wedding? Would there even be one?

Alena did not want to continue the conversation. Her inner voice was becoming clearer and clearer, almost praising her for the courage to say this out loud. For the first time, she had voiced this principle of her life — something she had realized and accepted over the past year.

She is a treasure. A rare diamond. One of a kind. Unique.

And the one who will be next to her must value and respect her. She would be ready to give him her whole world, to become for him a true wife. And a true man will recognize the value of such a rare pearl and will want to become the one who has her.

But treasures are not sold at every corner for pennies. They are carefully protected. And only the one who is willing to pay the worthy price will receive them.

The work with her psychologist had not been in vain. Especially with a believing one 😊. Alena mentally thanked God for His voice, which this time had protected her from a broken heart and unfulfilled expectations.

"I should discuss this situation at the next session…"

She thanked Arthur for a wonderful evening. She truly had nothing to say to him. She didn’t want to convince him of anything. She simply shrugged her shoulders and quietly said, "And yet, it will not be any other way…"

They looked into each other’s eyes, and it became clear — this was their last meeting.

And indeed, something about him was not right… for her. But this time, it didn’t upset Alena — it relieved her. She had managed to avoid the bitter disappointment of a charming man, to avoid another wave of tears and the painful question, “What is wrong with me?”

"Yes, I still have things to work on," she thought. But the first steps toward herself, toward a real expression of self-love, had already been made. A smile lit up her face, and she thanked God for His care.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life."

"He who did not spare His own Son… how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?" — the words of Scripture came to her mind.

"I will wait. I believe that the Lord will show me the way and give me the best husband for me at the right time. And I will continue to work on myself, so that I am ready for it."

This was her choice. He did not run after her. He did not call the next day, or the day after, or even a week later. Her principle did not suit him. He wanted something else. That was his choice.

Reflection and Growth

What do you think? Did Alena make the right choice? What would you have done in her place?

In the end, it’s about knowing your worth and understanding that love is not just about finding someone. It’s about finding the right someone. The one who respects you, values you, and is willing to grow together.

So, let’s embrace our journeys. Let’s continue to learn, grow, and wait for the love that truly deserves us. 🌟